I was asked this question recently by Wendy, "what activities were Andrea and you into?"
I had mentioned in previous posts that we had a very sensual dynamic to our play. We did not engage in things like CBT, humiliation, hitting, kicking or anything else that might be considered violent or torturous acts. Our activities were foot and body worship, nipple torture-not severe, strap-on play and sexual acts like rimming and orgasm denial. I was spanked, flogged and canned whenever she deemed necessary. I always enjoyed it, and there was a certain way that she went about performing it. She would say to me in a stern, but sexy voice, "I do not want to do this, but you leave me no choice - if you were home with me last night I would have slept better and not been forced to do this to you." She would use her hand mostly to spank me, and always over her knee - it really turned me on.
I had tasks that I did everyday: draw her a bath, bathe her, pet her till she fell asleep (something I started to help her sleep better because of the anxiety she would feel because of a fear of bad dreams about her sexual abuse as a child). I cooked, cleaned and basically pampered her like a Goddess.
As our relationship progressed certain things were added to our lives like, watersports, sex and especially oral during mensuration, and very intense sensory deprivation. All of those activities were performed in a manner to bring us closer together. There was no, "drink my piss bitch" - it was taking part of her into me through the exchange of body fluids resulting in a closeness that both of us thrived on. Very intense feelings of love were exchanged during those activities. Till today I have never felt closer to anyone than I did at those times.
After we split up I found a play partner in Atlanta, and she basically beat the hell out of me while I zoned out. We never had sex, and till today I feel that I was only there because I was hurting so badly - it was cathartic. Later on I met another dominant woman that had some of the sensual characteristics of Andrea, as well as a sadistic side. Our sex and play were kept somewhat separate. Sex was the reward for being obedient. I had a lot of other women later on that were not exactly dominant, but enjoyed breaking out of the vanilla role and getting kinky - strap-on play, tying me up etc.
I never craved the pain aspect of BDSM. I like more of the sensual side with some ruff play that may hurt, but lately I have been exposed to different elements of the scene. While playing with Wendy, she decided to torture my nipples - 3 small clothespins that she flicked with her nails, pulled, twisted etc. Was I turned on? Yes, but as the pain became more intense I lost my arousal. It seems that my focus shifted from being turned on by the play, to concentrating on how intense the pain had become and I lost my arousal (including the erection). My nipples actually slightly bled. Now, I am not complaining because it was enjoyable in a different way. Maybe if we switched to something a little more sensual it would have returned, but I really don't know. She also likes to bite me, mostly on my shoulders, and I really enjoy it, and it hurts at times. Again it turns me on, but not like non-painful acts. Kissing someone, worshipping their body, feet etc. can get me rock hard in a second, and I don't know if I see that happening with pain.
Something else I noticed about myself this weekend is how a certain act can rile me in a manner that is not expected. For example - I had the pleasure of meeting Jefferson this weekend at LPN, and while Wendy and I were chatting with him, he punched me in the chest a few times. My initial reaction was to stay calm and I did, but I had a feeling of apprehension. It brought out that street mentality that someone is hitting me and I need to fight back. Possibly this is an initial reaction that people experience the first time they are presented with impact play, or maybe I was just caught of guard. I grew up in a tuff neighborhood and had to learn to defend myself. I've had my share of fights and I really hate violence, but if provoked I will defend myself. Not that Jefferson provoked me, but the impact brought that emotion out of me. I don't know how I feel about impact play, it brings out defensive feelings in me. Spanking is one thing, but being punched or kicked I don't know about. I also do not see myself submitting to a male, because to me it feels like losing - competitive streak from playing sports. For me to be in a BDSM scene with another a male, it would be me being submissive with another male(also submissive) to a dominant women.
I also learned in the past week from Sakura how much shabari interests me and turns me on. Being tied and wanting to learn how to do the tying - I think it's an expression of my creative side.
In conclusion, I always share my truest feelings with you and I never hold back. This is what has been going through my mind for a while, and I am working through it and sharing it with you.
Have you felt this way or in a similar manner?
Luv ya,
Marcello
xoxo
5 comments:
You know, I've been thinking about why I bite a bit lately. I've always had a bit of an oral fixation (understatement) and I like to touch my friends. So, I used to get very kissy with friends, even licking some. Recently, its grown into biting. Its an enjoyable physical sensation for me - I enjoy actually biting people, but its all so an affection thing. Basically, I like you, so I bite you. :)
It's interesting.. just last night Sylvanus and I were having a discussion about pain and arousal and sex... *sigh* Words fail me as my thoughts come through my head. I think I'll write a post... about any things...
I have grown into my enjoyment of pain but I am still not as much of a masochist as I am a sadist. I enjoy biting and hitting but when I receive them it has to be in a very particular way, with lots of sensual touching mixed in.
Ok, you and I need to sit down sometime so I can find out how you met these women:)
Hi, i like your blog. Great Sugasm!!! - If you like we could exchange links betwen our blogs. Let me know!
Greetings.
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